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eccentrically1
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2017 1:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

One to hold the bulb and an infinite number to turn the universe around the bulb.


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Wubbly
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2017 1:40 pm    Post subject: re: Jokes Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

math humor.





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AB Hammer
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2017 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

2, 1 Waiting to get the simulation to work properly while other build the next stand to reach it for the action needed.


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TGM
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:22 pm    Post subject: re: Jokes Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

It could happen... 😁


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER: WHAT THE HELL?
GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…



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John Collins
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:06 pm    Post subject: re: Jokes Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

Love it!!😊



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PostPosted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

TGM

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daanopperman
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 9:42 pm    Post subject: re: Jokes Reply with quote Report Post to Admin

The wife complained , " I have calluses on my hands from the broom "

The husband replied , " Why don't you just use the car " .


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rlortie
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:10 am    Post subject: re: Jokes Report Post to Admin

In Palo Alto one day, I spied a license plate reading “4X4X8”. As I drove on, I was pondering what the significance could possibly be. The moment I figured it out, I nearly had an accident because I was laughing so hard.

It turned out that the license plate described the model of car. So: what kind of car was it? (Scroll down…)

——-

“A cord” of firewood is defined as a pile 4′ by 4′ by 8′ long. The car was a Honda Accord, of course.


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